overcoming bad relationship in marriage

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Tuesday, October 10, 2006

overcoming bad relationship

Dealing With and Overcoming Bad RelationshipsThe real problem with bad relationships is not that we have them because, unfortunately, most people do. The real problem of bad relationships is the amount of time we remain in the relationship when we knew long ago that we should have left and the continuing amount of time we allow ourselves to be emotionally in prison for something that was not worthwhile to begin with. This is not isolated to just women or just men. If it is isolated to any specific group, it is human beings. We all deal with the same things, although at the time we feel like we are the only person in the world to feel the type of pain and emptiness that we feel. There are endless number of tips and techniques that people offer in dealing getting over relationships and I am sure there is a time and a place for them all. There is no one thing that will make it any easier, so I would say understanding that is the first step. Although there is not one quick and easy fix, there are things that I think work better than others. First, would be to give it time. Give it time to get out of your system. Give it time for you to take that step back from the relationship and see it for what it truly was rather than what you become consumed with at the end. The one thing about time is that we have absolutely no control over. We can not speed it up or slow it down. Therefore, it must be adhered to no matter what you say. And that is a good thing. As the days in weeks go by the relationship, or ridiculous situation you were previously in that you called a relationship, comes more into focus. You knew there were many things that were not right and now you are slowly getting into the proper frame of mind that you see it and call it for what it is. So use the time that it takes to deal with it. Only you can determine how long that is. I am not saying try to forget about it because that does not and should not happen. Dealing with it means getting yourself back into the proper mindset that you are honest about the problems that existed. Secondly, realize that out of that bad and negative relationship are a lot of positives. No I am not crazy, at least not by medical definition. There are positives in all relationships. The main positive is what you learn about yourself. You learn your likes and dislikes and this is defined more and more with each relationship. You learn your boundaries and what you are willing to accept and not accept. The funny thing about boundaries is bad relationships always have a way of testing just how far you are willing to go. It is a shame that it happens or that person can put you in a position to do that, but if you have read this far into this message, you know exactly what I mean. Now that you are out of that situation, think back and redefine your boundaries. They may need to be narrowed a bit. Nothing worst than that feeling of being on the edge. Although unsolicited, that other person helped you get to where you know what you can stand. At least they were good for something! Another positive is you know what you are willing to compromise on and what you are not. The funny thing to hear in the world is a single person go down their list of things that the “must” have in their partner. An absolute joke! If they have been in a bad relationship, they would know that all of those surface level qualities that they define are “must have” are meaningless in a relationship without compromise and a whole lot of other things that did not make the list. Relationships teach you things that no one can tell you. Being in a relationship, you learn clearly what you can compromise on. It could be as simple as what movie to go see to something more important that tests your moral values and convictions. This may be worth the exercise of writing down, those things that you are truly not willing to compromise on in the future. This is not be given to anyone or handed out at singles bars, but you just taking time and focusing in on those things that must be different for you in the next relationship. It is worth the effort. I would also recommend finding your support base. Before you got involved in the situation that has you where you are today, there were people in your life, friends, family, ex’s, that appreciated and enjoyed you just for being you. There know and understand you and what makes you tick and are the ones who will support you in your time of need. They were probably the ones during the relationship that were giving you the subtle, and sometimes not so subtle, advice to get out of the relationship. These people have your best interest at heart. Surround yourself with these people to help get your spirits up and understand again your true worth. This is an easy technique that does a world of good. The other thing that I would say about time is, give yourself time to be alone. Most people rush out into another relationship way too quick without giving themselves time to analyze the past relationships and get at peace with themselves. This is a must. Using a cliché, “If you do what you have always done, you will get what you always get.” This holds true for relationships as well. Until you make the conscious, concerted effort to change the people you are involved with, you will continue to get the same results that you have had in the past. Once again, if you are this far in this message, you definitely do not want to repeat everything that has been done in the past. Take time for yourself. Single is not bad. It is a temporary position, if you want it to be, that you can make sure your life is order so that when the person that is right for you does come along, you are ready for all it entails.
do you know who you are?I will tell you on the next post